Until my dying day

It's a mid summer day,
The sun's right above my head,
The heat is turning the ground red,
Yet I feel I should jump around and play,
Doesn't matter if its sunny or chill,
My mind is not under my control, its going up hill.

I have been dreaming with eyes wide open,
I am completely lost in her thoughts and have been hopin',
Hoping that she will see me here, waiting and dreaming,
With my heart praying for her well-being,
Because all that matters to me,
Is that she always be happy.

Once she knows of my love,
She will come flying to me like a dove,
Then we shall stay together, eternally inseparable,
And our love shall become universally honourable.

Though all this seems irrefutable,
Actually its highly improbable,
'Coz the girl of my dreams is none other than Adriana Lima,
But there are no limits to my imaginary drama,
So I shall keep dreaming, hoping and writing,
Until the day my heart stops beating.

Life is Beautiful

Just when I thought it was all over,
Just when I had lost all hope,
A star sparkled and said "nope",
It's not over, new things will uncover.

That's when I saw her walk right past me,
Beauty and grace with which she carried herself,
Said to me "don't touch, you are only allowed to see",
Her beauty was my trust in love back to life.

What was I thinking,
Nothing is over, it's a new beginning.
It depends on how we see,
Either the glass is half full or half empty.

Enjoy the taste real slow,
And everything around you will start to glow.
The light will cut through the darkness like a knife,
And then you shall see the real beauty in Life.

Hole In The Wall

We all know that, sometimes you don't know what something or someone means to you until that person or that thing is gone. We also know that, the smaller joys gives more to live than the big things. For example, small things like spending a few evenings with friends or with your family means more than something big like a promotion or getting married. Also, sometimes in a group of friends there a few people who add so much to the group that they are like the life of the group, without them the group seems to have lost a leg and can't balance well on its own. Now put all these together, what do you have: A person who adds to the smaller joys of a group of friends, a friend without whom the group clearly see that its loosing balance and is getting ready to topple any moment and also not all in the group understood this until that person was gone.

Something similar happened to my group of friends. I know that our group was going to fall apart eventually, but was expecting someone else to leave after marriage. We have already lost a close friend. Who moved on to pursue a better career. We supported that decision as it was a good one, but not what happened yesterday. It was unfair and our group is hit big time. I am not sure how we'll do without this one person. If it was planned and well know before hand that would have been a different story, but a sudden shock for the whole group. We are all broken apart a little. I just hope we can remain as a group and that even though this one person was forced to leave, we will remain as a group. We'll definitely miss this person at office, but we would love to meet up as a group and hang out, with her, sometime.

Life isn't Just

I still remember the first day at my first job. It wasn't the greatest memory that I treasure, if thats what you thought I was going to say. It was like any other winter day in Bangalore, a little sunny, little chill. I hardly new anyone, and so I wasn't having much fun. It was something new, I was excited about it, though. I got the job within 2 weeks since my BE final semester results were out and also the package was good and it was development work, when many of my classmates had gotten into testing. So I was a little proud about it. But the only memory that flashes to me, is the moment that I stepped at the reception. There was a security guard who asked me who I was, when I said I was joining that company, he immediately said "Good Morning Sir!". I was kind of shocked and didn't know how to react. It was the first time I was ever called "SIR", at least I can't recall or couldn't recall anyone call me "SIR" before that. Then every morning I walked into the office the guard at the reception used to greet me with "Good Morning Sir" and I used to say "Good Morning" in return. It was part of his job, he would do the same thing to every one in the company.

That weekend when I went home I gave it a thought, I was at least 10 yrs younger than that guard and still he called me SIR. That was kind off weird to me. Also, my first salary was higher than the salary that my father was getting at that time. That got me wondering what is the big difference between me and my dad or me and that guard. The only difference is that I have done my BE in CS&E that my dad or that guard haven't. What does BE have so much in it that I deserve that kind of treatment? BE is a 4 yrs course, with 8 semesters with about 7 or 8 papers at the end of each semester. Is it so hard that not all people can make it? Definitely not, anyone who has done his/her BE know that people don't work hard unless the exams are near. So if you count the number of days we spend working hard for exams, it would start about a week before the exams and last for about a month. But we don't work hard everyday during this period too, we use to have lot of fun doing combine study with friends. Combine study was just a name we gave it, but it used to be combine fun + study: watching movies, go out for walks, tell crazy stories, pull each others legs etc etc and in between study for a while. So in effect the over all effort would that of a week or two :). Lets say it was 2 weeks of effort. Now taking that there were 8 semesters the total effort is 2 * 8 = 16 weeks ~ 4 months. So, as whole we put an effort of 4 months or in case some really hard working kids [which I was not, I was/am never hard working, I always work smart ;)] 6 months of effort. So all in all, we have put, may be, at most 6 months of more effort in our early lives doing our Engineering as a pose to my dad or the guard and that gives us more salary and more luxurious life. My dad is a double graduate, i.e. he has 2 degrees: B.Sc, B.Ed. That means he had did 2 courses that are 3 yrs in length each, which is definitely more time than a single 4 yrs course, except may be the subjects are a little boring in B.Sc or B.Ed. So, that way its more difficult that BE. So he has put more effort than me in his early life, still used to work harder than me for a salary less than my first salary even at the age of 54 or so.

There thousands of people out there who work so hard to earn bread for the day and I am living such a luxurious live with such high salary for doing nothing but sit in a A/C room in front of a comp, half the time browsing or chatting or doing some crap. What better example can I give to say that "Life isn't just".

Take Control

Sometimes it feels like you are living in a world that is filled with people you can't trust. There are people who control your life so much so that one move that they make can shatter your world completely and you still trust them. But when they still make that move, your trust in them is broken and you start questioning the basis of your trust in them and that if you were a fool to trust such a person. You also start questioning as to if there are more people around you who can do that same to you. The only question that I would like to ask at this point is: how can I make my life completely in my control? Completely may be a bit too much, coz everyone depends on others at some basic level and that can't be avoided, but at least there are some things that affect our life more than anything else and such things should be in our own hands and not some mediocre hands.

May be we should start being more responsible to ourselves if we want to live in an environment that is controlled by others. We should have the ability to foresee things that may be coming. Like, if you see that the people who control a part of your life are becoming uncomfortable, its time for you to do something about it. Either get prepared to face the worst they can throw at you or get out of that situation be making them comfortable. The problem here is that you need that foresight which not everyone of us have. So I think the best thing to do is to avoid this itself, take all those things that matter most to you into our own hands, at least as much as you can. I think I need to do that, I am pissed see people getting shattered and shocked at things that they thought can never happen to them. I feel so helpless. I am not going to let this happen to me and I won’t let anyone feel sorry for me. I am going take control of my life as much as I can.

Wish for a rocky heart

I wish this wasn't so difficult,
I thought it could be easily dealt,
Never thought I would get so involved,
Never knew my mind was so evolved.

The wonderful times I had with you, I was so impressed,
You motivated me and brought the best out in me,
That's what makes this so difficult, I am completely depressed,
Now you are saying forget all that and as friends let us be.

When I see you around and on the phone,
I feel like have have been left behind and feel so alone,
I guess I have to blame myself,
For being so intense like in a romantic book from my shelf.

Seems like it was all in vain,
I feel it every second ticking on the clock,
Oh my god, I feel so much pain,
This would be so easy if my heart was made of rock.

Imagining you with another man,
Feels like driving a knife throught my abdomen,
If I every have to see that day,
I sware I'll turn gay.

I know I have to get over it,
Writing this poem I thought was a good way start,
But you don't feel a thing for me, I bet,
God, how I wish I had a rocky heart.

The Dreamy Psycho Lover

You eyes, so beautiful and dark,
Takes me into a sweet dream,
It's an adventure that I'll gladly embark,
Running among the flowers as they bloom.

You don't know how much you mean to me,
I can't imagine how life without you would be.
Into my world you brought so many colours and so much light,
All the years before that, turned black and white.

If I ever have a chance,
I would take you to the capital of France,
To tell you what you bring to my life,
And to ask you to marry me and make you my wife.

Adri, I know you are engaged to Marko,
And I know you both are to be married soon.
But I am free to be a dreamy psycho,
So, I shall always love you as if you were mine.