The Little Monster

I wish I could apologize,
I wish you would realize,
For you, how much I care,
And that you are my only desire.

I know I made a mistake,
I wish I could tell you I don't fake,
If only you knew the truth,
If only I could make myself worth.

I didn't want to, I had no choice,
But to protect you from my inner voice,
Inside me is a notorious monster,
Who feeds on your polite and good gesture.

He is destructive in nature,
He ruins all that I hold dear,
He manipulates and never let’s me be on my own,
Since I’ve known you I’ve been fighting him alone.

Deep inside, he is just a little kid,
I made a mistake I opened the lid,
It was too much freedom for him to handle,
I'm now trying to put him back under the buckle.

I had almost lost this battle,
I needed to turn his efforts futile,
Poisoning your mind was the only way,
To stop his nourishment, to let him fade away.

I hurt you in this process,
But my inner self was posses’,
I wish I had it in me to fight him,
I wish I stood on stronger limbs.

You hate me now and that I can never change,
I'm glade I knew you for whatever little time range,
And I thank you for being so polite all this while,
In my heart I shall always cherish your beautiful smile.