The Problem Is Choice!

Life is full of choices. Some are small, some are trivial, some matter and others are really big and can change your life as you know it. Making a decision when you are confused is very difficult. Much more difficult than making the choice is sticking to it. And making things work even though the choice you made is not leading you in the direction that you desire. Most of the time its this phase the takes the most from you, it tests you to the core. All you need to do at this point is stay calm and focused and do what you think is right . There is one mistake that we always makes, its having an expectation out of each of the small things that we do. And each time we don't get the expected result we get a little frustrated. Each one of us has a limit as to how much frustration we can handle, once that limit is crossed we snap. So the key here is not to have any expectation. The great Bhaghavath Gita's sloka:

"Karmanye Wa Dhikaraste, Ma Fallesu Kadhachena"

But, its next to impossible, though its easily said in words. It even sounds great as a sloka too, but I know, coz I too am trying really really hard to do that same and believe me when I say I am totally frustrated.

All though I say all this I know whatever be the outcome of these choices that you make the end result will be sweet. Though at times it may not be more than just a lesson, but that lesson will be very important one. You may or may not realize it at that point, but every lesson you learn definitely made you a better person. You will realize that at some later point.

This one school of thought, but there is another. Is the juice worth the squeeze? What if the fruit you are squeezing in not ripe yet? The juice will be sour and may not be worth the squeeze. And the lesson that you learn from this may not be useful at all. So again its a choice of how you look at it. If you take it in a positive way, like I mostly do, you'll see that you probably learnt which are the fruits that are not ripe and the next time you'll choose the ripe fruit :). But for this you definitely need to go through the pain of squeezing the fruit and the drinking the juice to see if it was worth the squeeze. So you need to hang in there until the juice is out and until you get to taste it.

Remember irrespective of what the outcome is, you need to understand that you deserve the best tasting fruit out there and never feel that you don't deserve a fruit or even make anyone feel that way about you. And when you are a little depressed, take a break, do something that makes you feel better, recharge your self and then jump right back into the game. Success will be yours. Because the best results/returns are from the choices that are really difficult and the ones that get the best out of you. You may even discover some of the hidden qualities in you that you yourself weren't aware of.

Adri's Poem

This is poem I dedicate to Adriana Lima, my dream girl ;).

My Dear Adri

Oh! my dear Adri,
I will run to the corners of earth to make you mine,
I will even do your laundry,
If you promise to spare me some of your precious Time.

How I dream to hold you in my arms,
And you giving me the kiss of death,
For the loser me will be dead and finished with that kiss,
And a new me will be born whom you will never want to miss.

I’ll always be there for you,
For I have nothing better to do,
If you ever feel low and give me a blow,
I’ll wait for you bcoz I know you love me and that you don’t know.

My Love

My Love …

Every moment that you are with me
Makes me feel so good,
I feel like I have wings,
I’d fly away with you if I could.
If I had to live without you my dear
I’d probably starve without food.

Your smile shines on the valleys of my mind.
I am at my best when you are around.
Gates of my heart open wide,
When you are on my side.
I can’t imagine my house without you lady,
You are so good at keeping it tidy.

It wouldn’t be easy to replace you.
Especially, when I have to pay her, if I do.
I want you to stay with me forever,
This is a poem to Irona from Richie, her master.

The Twins Here ... More so in Life (paradox)

Today I wrote a poem that has two possible ending paras. I have 4 paras but the last one has 2 versions. Below are the 5 paras:

The Twins

I have been planning to write a poem,
A poem to tell you who I am,
But I don’t think I can write it,
Coz it would be incomplete without you in it.

I just want to say to you,
That you complete me,
If I ever have to live without you,
I don’t think I will be able to.

You make me feel great,
Just the thought of you can make me smile,
Every time you look, my heart skips a beat,
With you by my side I could never fail.

I want you to know that I really do care,
I want to be with you until the end of my life’s share,
I want to grow old looking at your beautiful eyes,
Even though it’s going to kill me every moment, twice.
I’ll always hold your hand,
Never will let go until I am eternally shunned.

I want you to know that I only care,
As to what you wear,
There is nothing deeper than that between us,
Its all bogus,
If you ever think that I am the one,
Please forget it coz it’s never going to happen.

Now depending on the last para the whole poem seems to change its meaning. It can either be a comedy or a seriously romantic one. Now for me the most sensible choice would be the romantic version, but the comedy version seems promising too :). [Though the poem may not be that great]. What I think is interesting here is that one single para can change with you take from this poem and if its the last para of the poem then its more so.

stuck, don't want to grow up

I some times feel that I am stuck at some age, probably as a teenager, enjoying every moment of life as its comes and not worrying about the consequence of things that I do. This may seem a little immature at times, it does to me too :). But then I just don't want waste time thinking of the responsibilities that I currently have and that I'll have in future, it actually freaks me out. So I avoid thinking of the responsibility. The sense of responsibility can be overwhelming at times. Now there should be a balancing agent that makes sure that what I do in my life with out the sense of responsibility will not be bad too, so I rely on my gut to decide what seems to be the most appropriate thing to do at that point in time without thinking too much into the future and not thinking about the responsibilities and stuff.

This approach seems to work most of the time, but the rest of the time, you can say I screwed up. But this makes me feel that I am free and the sense of freedom is one that you should never give up. Each moment that you send forcing yourself to do something because you think its expected of you, I think you are kill a part of you. An essential part that makes you feel alive, without which you start to feel that you are not in control of your life and you can't enjoy the smaller joys in life. And screwing up at times in necessary to appreciate the good work you do. Its relative :). And every screw up teaches me a lesson, it may be something that I had read or heard before, but there is difference between knowing and understanding. When I screw up and learn my lesson I am understanding and not just knowing.

The smaller joys in life play a very important part. You may win an Olympic medal or get a big promotion or get a very good hike but none of that, according to me, can beat the 1 hour u spend talking to a real close friend about something that is close to your hearts. Its just a wonderful experience to do things that you love, it may be a simple walk to your home from work, ride a horse, gaze upon the beautiful night sky, have cup of coffee or watch a movie with a friend, spend an evening with your family talking about your childhood, this list is almost endless. It could be anything that makes you feel not just good but great or even grand.

I was career oriented when I was at college and initial few years of my career as a software engineer. Those were the year I worked quite hard and was unhappy with myself because I wasn't who I wanted to be or who I thought I should be. But then I met this friend who showed me that the smaller joys in life are more important than achieving bigger things in life. I am not saying that having a goal and working towards it is a waste, no. I am just saying that you shouldn't get so involved into working towards the goals that you forget who you are and forget the smaller joys. New goals will keep coming, because we humans can never be satisfied and always want something more. But a wonderful moment once lost is lost forever. I suggest the everyone who reads this blog watches the movie "Click". Its a movie that show exactly this and it put in a way that is the best, i think.

The basic idea is simple, its just that I don't want to grow up or take the pressure or responsibility or waste time thinking about what I should have done but I want to enjoy every moment of my life to the maximum extent. So that on my death bed when I look back at my life, I can say "that's one life well wasted :)".

Love, Life and Everything else ...

One of the questions that has always haunted me is "What is true love and does it really exist?". I have given it a lot of thought, like most of the people I know have. But I see decided write this blog anyway because I think I can try to relate my thoughts on meaning of life to love. Okay let me start telling you what I know. I think love is nothing great when you try to put in words. Its like a desire, but luckily its deeper. Love is something that will make you feel complete, something that fills in the small gaps between the large stones that you have put into your empty self. Its like the glue that binds the mind and the soul. I think it just doesn't end there, its something that connects all of us with rest of us or rest of the world or even the universe. Its something that makes u feel you are bigger than your physical self, you have so much space in you that you can accommodate a whole universe in you. I say this because when you see someone suffering you will at least for a moment thing of helping, and if you do then I think you have learned more about love. Each time you do something that is self less you have learned a little more about love. This seems to be the definition that I can come up with most of the time, though not the exact same words but the meaning remains same.

Then where does the love between couples come into picture here? The topic that interests most of us. I think I have a simple answer to that. To be able to realize the true extent of love you need to try it at a smaller scale. That's where love of couples comes in. You learn to love and adjust to a person who has not grown or brought up the way you have. You learn to accommodate him/her into your love and give without expecting anything back, because each time you give something for this person it makes you feel happy. All you want at the point is to see that person happy. Then I think you are one step closer to understand love.

Also, as I told "love is like desire but only deeper", one might ask how deep? This is where everything seems to connect at least by the way I see things. Love is something that your soul has to understand and its your soul that grows as it understands love, not just your mind. Of course the primary understanding is through the mind but then as your mind understands love it becomes closer to your soul and is able deliver data to the soul too. And feed the soul with its primary food :). Now if you believe in rebirth I think it makes more sense. The soul has moved from one body to another but it retains its understanding of love. And somehow it seems to manipulate the mind, based on how strong the urge to learn more about love is in the soul. Because I think the soul's urge gets stronger based on how our physical self has fed it in our previous lives. So as the soul is reborn again and again, slowly it drifts towards love and understands that more and more about it. But I am not sure what is it that it needs to understand finally :). Though I think that once the understanding is complete and the soul is reborn one last time to act according to the universally true love, then it attains what is called "Moksha" or "salvation".

All this may seems to make sense in a funny way to you. For me it seems like the only possible explanation I can think of.

~me: Hey what the hell was that. Its all bull shit.
me: This is my other self, I call him ~me.
~me: You must be freaking crazy to read all this crap this guy, me, says.