Sunday, December 28, 2008

Life is Beautiful

Just when I thought it was all over,
Just when I had lost all hope,
A star sparkled and said "nope",
It's not over, new things will uncover.

That's when I saw her walk right past me,
Beauty and grace with which she carried herself,
Said to me "don't touch, you are only allowed to see",
Her beauty was my trust in love back to life.

What was I thinking,
Nothing is over, it's a new beginning.
It depends on how we see,
Either the glass is half full or half empty.

Enjoy the taste real slow,
And everything around you will start to glow.
The light will cut through the darkness like a knife,
And then you shall see the real beauty in Life.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Hole In The Wall

We all know that, sometimes you don't know what something or someone means to you until that person or that thing is gone. We also know that, the smaller joys gives more to live than the big things. For example, small things like spending a few evenings with friends or with your family means more than something big like a promotion or getting married. Also, sometimes in a group of friends there a few people who add so much to the group that they are like the life of the group, without them the group seems to have lost a leg and can't balance well on its own. Now put all these together, what do you have: A person who adds to the smaller joys of a group of friends, a friend without whom the group clearly see that its loosing balance and is getting ready to topple any moment and also not all in the group understood this until that person was gone.

Something similar happened to my group of friends. I know that our group was going to fall apart eventually, but was expecting someone else to leave after marriage. We have already lost a close friend. Who moved on to pursue a better career. We supported that decision as it was a good one, but not what happened yesterday. It was unfair and our group is hit big time. I am not sure how we'll do without this one person. If it was planned and well know before hand that would have been a different story, but a sudden shock for the whole group. We are all broken apart a little. I just hope we can remain as a group and that even though this one person was forced to leave, we will remain as a group. We'll definitely miss this person at office, but we would love to meet up as a group and hang out, with her, sometime.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Life isn't Just

I still remember the first day at my first job. It wasn't the greatest memory that I treasure, if thats what you thought I was going to say. It was like any other winter day in Bangalore, a little sunny, little chill. I hardly new anyone, and so I wasn't having much fun. It was something new, I was excited about it, though. I got the job within 2 weeks since my BE final semester results were out and also the package was good and it was development work, when many of my classmates had gotten into testing. So I was a little proud about it. But the only memory that flashes to me, is the moment that I stepped at the reception. There was a security guard who asked me who I was, when I said I was joining that company, he immediately said "Good Morning Sir!". I was kind of shocked and didn't know how to react. It was the first time I was ever called "SIR", at least I can't recall or couldn't recall anyone call me "SIR" before that. Then every morning I walked into the office the guard at the reception used to greet me with "Good Morning Sir" and I used to say "Good Morning" in return. It was part of his job, he would do the same thing to every one in the company.

That weekend when I went home I gave it a thought, I was at least 10 yrs younger than that guard and still he called me SIR. That was kind off weird to me. Also, my first salary was higher than the salary that my father was getting at that time. That got me wondering what is the big difference between me and my dad or me and that guard. The only difference is that I have done my BE in CS&E that my dad or that guard haven't. What does BE have so much in it that I deserve that kind of treatment? BE is a 4 yrs course, with 8 semesters with about 7 or 8 papers at the end of each semester. Is it so hard that not all people can make it? Definitely not, anyone who has done his/her BE know that people don't work hard unless the exams are near. So if you count the number of days we spend working hard for exams, it would start about a week before the exams and last for about a month. But we don't work hard everyday during this period too, we use to have lot of fun doing combine study with friends. Combine study was just a name we gave it, but it used to be combine fun + study: watching movies, go out for walks, tell crazy stories, pull each others legs etc etc and in between study for a while. So in effect the over all effort would that of a week or two :). Lets say it was 2 weeks of effort. Now taking that there were 8 semesters the total effort is 2 * 8 = 16 weeks ~ 4 months. So, as whole we put an effort of 4 months or in case some really hard working kids [which I was not, I was/am never hard working, I always work smart ;)] 6 months of effort. So all in all, we have put, may be, at most 6 months of more effort in our early lives doing our Engineering as a pose to my dad or the guard and that gives us more salary and more luxurious life. My dad is a double graduate, i.e. he has 2 degrees: B.Sc, B.Ed. That means he had did 2 courses that are 3 yrs in length each, which is definitely more time than a single 4 yrs course, except may be the subjects are a little boring in B.Sc or B.Ed. So, that way its more difficult that BE. So he has put more effort than me in his early life, still used to work harder than me for a salary less than my first salary even at the age of 54 or so.

There thousands of people out there who work so hard to earn bread for the day and I am living such a luxurious live with such high salary for doing nothing but sit in a A/C room in front of a comp, half the time browsing or chatting or doing some crap. What better example can I give to say that "Life isn't just".

Take Control

Sometimes it feels like you are living in a world that is filled with people you can't trust. There are people who control your life so much so that one move that they make can shatter your world completely and you still trust them. But when they still make that move, your trust in them is broken and you start questioning the basis of your trust in them and that if you were a fool to trust such a person. You also start questioning as to if there are more people around you who can do that same to you. The only question that I would like to ask at this point is: how can I make my life completely in my control? Completely may be a bit too much, coz everyone depends on others at some basic level and that can't be avoided, but at least there are some things that affect our life more than anything else and such things should be in our own hands and not some mediocre hands.

May be we should start being more responsible to ourselves if we want to live in an environment that is controlled by others. We should have the ability to foresee things that may be coming. Like, if you see that the people who control a part of your life are becoming uncomfortable, its time for you to do something about it. Either get prepared to face the worst they can throw at you or get out of that situation be making them comfortable. The problem here is that you need that foresight which not everyone of us have. So I think the best thing to do is to avoid this itself, take all those things that matter most to you into our own hands, at least as much as you can. I think I need to do that, I am pissed see people getting shattered and shocked at things that they thought can never happen to them. I feel so helpless. I am not going to let this happen to me and I won’t let anyone feel sorry for me. I am going take control of my life as much as I can.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Wish for a rocky heart

I wish this wasn't so difficult,
I thought it could be easily dealt,
Never thought I would get so involved,
Never knew my mind was so evolved.

The wonderful times I had with you, I was so impressed,
You motivated me and brought the best out in me,
That's what makes this so difficult, I am completely depressed,
Now you are saying forget all that and as friends let us be.

When I see you around and on the phone,
I feel like have have been left behind and feel so alone,
I guess I have to blame myself,
For being so intense like in a romantic book from my shelf.

Seems like it was all in vain,
I feel it every second ticking on the clock,
Oh my god, I feel so much pain,
This would be so easy if my heart was made of rock.

Imagining you with another man,
Feels like driving a knife throught my abdomen,
If I every have to see that day,
I sware I'll turn gay.

I know I have to get over it,
Writing this poem I thought was a good way start,
But you don't feel a thing for me, I bet,
God, how I wish I had a rocky heart.

The Dreamy Psycho Lover


You eyes, so beautiful and dark,
Takes me into a sweet dream,
It's an adventure that I'll gladly embark,
Running among the flowers as they bloom.

You don't know how much you mean to me,
I can't imagine how life without you would be.
Into my world you brought so many colours and so much light,
All the years before that, turned black and white.

If I ever have a chance,
I would take you to the capital of France,
To tell you what you bring to my life,
And to ask you to marry me and make you my wife.

Adri, I know you are engaged to Marko,
And I know you both are to be married soon.
But I am free to be a dreamy psycho,
So, I shall always love you as if you were mine.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Vanilla Sky?

"Vanilla Sky" is a Tom Cruise's movie. It's a thrilling and mysterious movie about this very handsome guys who tries to escape from reality because he can't handle reality. So, he goes to a firm where they promise him that he'll be put to sleep and he will start living in a his dreams where everything is beautiful and nice the way he wants. So he agrees to go through this program. But life and reality are not that easy to escape from. They are like ghosts and they will find their way to haunt you, where ever you run. Hence, eventually reality starts slowly creeping into his dreams as well. So his sweet dreams start turning into nightmares.

When I first saw this movie I was able appreciate the concept of the movie and the actors for their performance in the movie: Tom Cruise, Penelope Cruz (my favorite at that time) , Cameron Diaz and Jason Lee. But now when I re-look at the story and the concept, it makes so much sense. It seems like the truth, whatever you do you just can't escape reality, it just bites you and you have to go through the biting session whether you like it or not. It does creep into your dreams. I am sure all of us have experienced this, if something bad is happening in our lives we see that badness exaggerated in our dreams. This is like the ghost, it not only takes away the peace in our lives in day light, when we are wide awake, it also haunts us in the dark night as dreams. We don't have choice but to live through it, hoping that on the other side of this haunted tunnel that is peace and happiness.

"Hope" the quintessential anomaly that is simultaneously source of our greatest strength and our greatest weakness.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Adri, My Love

You are the queen of my heart,
You are the one, with whom I shall never part,
When I am blue, I think of you,
And then my mind is filled with a glow.

I will, forever stick to you,
And I'll stick well, just like glue.
If anyone tries to make a move,
I'll interrupt and say shoo shoo.

If they persist any further,
I'll give them a kick and lock them in the loo.
I'll protect you from all stranger,
Will scare them off saying boo.

I'll always love you for you are the best,
With you around, my heart will never rest.
I'll always be there for you, Adri,
For my love for you knows no boundary.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

The Constant Pursuit

We are all in a constant pursuit for one or the other thing. The only thing that is common is that, we think we are pursuing something that gives us happiness. And just like Thomas Jefferson coined the the term "The Pursuit Of Happiness" as mentioned in he movie "The Pursuit of Happyness", I think its something that we'll always pursue and never have. One more way to put it is that human beings can never be satisfied. We have something, we want more; we always want more.

Some pursuits are worth but other aren't, you need to make the choice as to which are the once you want to go ahead pursuing and which you will not. It might a very hard decision to make at time, but you need to do it whether you like it or not at times. So just stick in there dude, there is always a happy ending to it all; at least that's how you should think. Its another way to say that you either pursue what you think will give to happiness or learn to be happy with what you have :). Truth sucks man, I know. You just can't help it.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Mistake or No Mistake?

Okay this is going to be Legendary!! If that sounds a little familiar, then what I am going to say here will not anything new for you.
I have been thinking that I am going to make this mistake that I will regret for ever but will hurt emotionally more that anything and so I am scared to do it. I just realized that you don't know if its a mistake or an opportunity knocking at your door until you do it. If you don't do it you may regret that you never tried and never know if it was a mistake or not. Not only that also if you don't try it, it means that your chickening out of it, you just don't have what it takes. So, better try it and then figure out if it was a mistake or not.
Its just like Thomas Alva Edison's 1999 failed experiments. He didn't know that those 1999 attempts will fail until he tried them, but then at the end he succeeded. So he gives us 2 important lessons, one which we all know, don't give up until you succeed and the other that is not so apparent, you don't know what he result of an experiment is going to be until you do it. In other words, its Schrödinger's cat paradox.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The Kid In Us

Why do I put down my foot and say that these are the things that I want and I'll not compromise on them? Why am I stubborn about certain things? Of course, I am flexible too. I would say I am one of the most flexible person among the people I know. But still there are some things that I’ll never compromise on, I just want those things, unless it’s a question of life and death ;).

I think we are all like this with certain things. We need some things and will not let it be otherwise. The reason I think is that deep inside we are all kids. If the kid in us says I want this thing and you can’t convince that kid otherwise then you just have to get that thing. You want it, bcoz you want it, that all, not more explanation.

I don’t think this is bad, I think in most cases it’s a healthy thing and we should acknowledge this and live with it, because many of the good things that happen to us, happens because of this kid in us. We need to nourish the kid and show him/her the right direction. Giving the kid proper direction can do wonders. Take my case I like photography. When I decided to buy a DSLR I was so eager to have one. I started dreaming about all the wonder photos I could take when I get the camera. I just couldn’t wait till I got it. I asked my cousin in Dubai to buy it for me during Christmas and drop it at my Sister’s office in Dubai. And my sister had arranged for someone in their office who was traveling from Dubai to Bangalore to get it. Actually my cousin said she will be coming down to India in a month, but I couldn’t wait that long. So I got the camera in just a week from when it was bought, but there was tripod that came along with it as a gift, which was misplace in the Dubai office and never made to Bangalore. But I’ll never regret that because that one month I took so many photos of my nieces nothing can be better than that. So in the end the kid in me really did win, he was the one who was impatient about getting the camera at the earliest.

Conclusion: Nourish and groom the kid in you and direct him/her the right way. If he/she misbehaves, its your fault that you didn’t give him/her the right direction.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

New Hope For The Mere Mortals

What the hell have I been thinking? Why am I so depressed and so serious? I am suppose to be the legendary person the everyone around me looks up to and I can't afford to be the like this. I am the extraordinary Nitin, the greatest, the intellectual descendant of Newton and Einstein. I am suppose to be the van-god of meta and theoretical physics. I can't waste my time being emotional about insignificant things that mere mortals strive for. Look at my IQ:

IQ Score
Free-IQTest.net - IQ Score

Do you know what that means? Here have a look: http://www.free-iqtest.net/iq-score-guide.asp


I know I love to show off. I am intellectually superior being than millions out there. I shouldn't feel low. People should be honored just by my presence around them. I am sure all my friends at work and elsewhere will feel great to have me as their friend. You are welcome guys. I know I am very intelligent for you guys but then I am nice guy to hang around with mere mortal like you and I am happy that I make you feel happy by being your friend. I love you guys :).

I will no more indulge myself in these mediocre thoughts and will concentrate all my energy into theoretical physics, applied mathematics and programming (to feed myself, till the day I win the noble prize!). So my dear friends, don't give up on me. I am wounded for now, but wait until I recover and then you'll see the full wrath of Nitin's knowledge on the scientific community.

This is also a message to Steven Hawkins, be prepared, the so called greatest mind since Einstein. You are going to be crushed. So get ready, you bit**. Get all your force fields ready for you are going to be bombarded with high energy particles at speeds beyond that of light.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Book of Peace And The Sea Monsters

The day began with such promise. And now look. My sea monster is dead, and I still don't have the Book of Peace. All because of you, Sinbad.

The words of the Goddess of Chaos, Eris, when she meets Sinbad, in the movie “Sinbad : The Legend of Seven Seas”. This seems so true in most of our lives. We start as kids with so much energy and lots of dreams. As we grow older many of these dreams just fade away and the energy levels fall, the death of the sea monster.

If we do a introspection as to why did the dreams not come true we'll see that its because we changed our priorities. What we thought was important and could do anything for, is not feasible anymore, either because we don't want to lose what we have in hand or because we thing there are better things. This is when we feel that its not worth pursuing that dream and that we have to move on. Moving on can be easy in some cases but may be tougher than we thing in some others. For example, I always thought that I'll be a scientist someday and will do great things. My field of research will be Applied Chemistry or Theoretical/Quantum Physics. The dream of Applied Chemistry Research has almost annihilated, but I am not ready to give up on Theoretical Physics. I still dream that someday when I retire from Software Industry I'll pursue masters and doctorate courses in Physics/Applied Mathematics and at least attempt research.

I am not sure if this will be possible but I intend to keep this dream alive and think that this is definitely possible. But we never know what the future holds for us. The main question here is “Is a dream worth pursuing?”. I am a very practical person and I mostly start working on or pursuing a dream only if I think it has a possibility of becoming true. So why do I think this dream can come true, is because of my love for math and quantum physics. Though my knowledge of both is very limited at this point.

One thing that I have learnt in my pursuit is that Life isn't a STATE MACHINE. There are no definite states in life and there is specific set of inputs that will guaranty any results. There is always just a probability, not certainty. You just have to assess the risk and try your hand. There is nothing like “hard-work pays”. Its might be true sometimes, but not always. Especially, if your hard work is assessed by some other person. Which is the case most of the time in real life.

I just hope that I'll have my Book of Peace someday and that I don't have to blame Sinbad for getting in my way. Also I hope I don't have to loose many sea monsters during my pursuit.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The Problem Is Choice!

Life is full of choices. Some are small, some are trivial, some matter and others are really big and can change your life as you know it. Making a decision when you are confused is very difficult. Much more difficult than making the choice is sticking to it. And making things work even though the choice you made is not leading you in the direction that you desire. Most of the time its this phase the takes the most from you, it tests you to the core. All you need to do at this point is stay calm and focused and do what you think is right . There is one mistake that we always makes, its having an expectation out of each of the small things that we do. And each time we don't get the expected result we get a little frustrated. Each one of us has a limit as to how much frustration we can handle, once that limit is crossed we snap. So the key here is not to have any expectation. The great Bhaghavath Gita's sloka:

"Karmanye Wa Dhikaraste, Ma Fallesu Kadhachena"

But, its next to impossible, though its easily said in words. It even sounds great as a sloka too, but I know, coz I too am trying really really hard to do that same and believe me when I say I am totally frustrated.

All though I say all this I know whatever be the outcome of these choices that you make the end result will be sweet. Though at times it may not be more than just a lesson, but that lesson will be very important one. You may or may not realize it at that point, but every lesson you learn definitely made you a better person. You will realize that at some later point.

This one school of thought, but there is another. Is the juice worth the squeeze? What if the fruit you are squeezing in not ripe yet? The juice will be sour and may not be worth the squeeze. And the lesson that you learn from this may not be useful at all. So again its a choice of how you look at it. If you take it in a positive way, like I mostly do, you'll see that you probably learnt which are the fruits that are not ripe and the next time you'll choose the ripe fruit :). But for this you definitely need to go through the pain of squeezing the fruit and the drinking the juice to see if it was worth the squeeze. So you need to hang in there until the juice is out and until you get to taste it.

Remember irrespective of what the outcome is, you need to understand that you deserve the best tasting fruit out there and never feel that you don't deserve a fruit or even make anyone feel that way about you. And when you are a little depressed, take a break, do something that makes you feel better, recharge your self and then jump right back into the game. Success will be yours. Because the best results/returns are from the choices that are really difficult and the ones that get the best out of you. You may even discover some of the hidden qualities in you that you yourself weren't aware of.

Adri's Poem

This is poem I dedicate to Adriana Lima, my dream girl ;).

My Dear Adri

Oh! my dear Adri,
I will run to the corners of earth to make you mine,
I will even do your laundry,
If you promise to spare me some of your precious Time.

How I dream to hold you in my arms,
And you giving me the kiss of death,
For the loser me will be dead and finished with that kiss,
And a new me will be born whom you will never want to miss.

I’ll always be there for you,
For I have nothing better to do,
If you ever feel low and give me a blow,
I’ll wait for you bcoz I know you love me and that you don’t know.

Monday, October 20, 2008

My Love

My Love …

Every moment that you are with me
Makes me feel so good,
I feel like I have wings,
I’d fly away with you if I could.
If I had to live without you my dear
I’d probably starve without food.

Your smile shines on the valleys of my mind.
I am at my best when you are around.
Gates of my heart open wide,
When you are on my side.
I can’t imagine my house without you lady,
You are so good at keeping it tidy.

It wouldn’t be easy to replace you.
Especially, when I have to pay her, if I do.
I want you to stay with me forever,
This is a poem to Irona from Richie, her master.

The Twins Here ... More so in Life (paradox)

Today I wrote a poem that has two possible ending paras. I have 4 paras but the last one has 2 versions. Below are the 5 paras:

The Twins

I have been planning to write a poem,
A poem to tell you who I am,
But I don’t think I can write it,
Coz it would be incomplete without you in it.

I just want to say to you,
That you complete me,
If I ever have to live without you,
I don’t think I will be able to.

You make me feel great,
Just the thought of you can make me smile,
Every time you look, my heart skips a beat,
With you by my side I could never fail.

I want you to know that I really do care,
I want to be with you until the end of my life’s share,
I want to grow old looking at your beautiful eyes,
Even though it’s going to kill me every moment, twice.
I’ll always hold your hand,
Never will let go until I am eternally shunned.

I want you to know that I only care,
As to what you wear,
There is nothing deeper than that between us,
Its all bogus,
If you ever think that I am the one,
Please forget it coz it’s never going to happen.

Now depending on the last para the whole poem seems to change its meaning. It can either be a comedy or a seriously romantic one. Now for me the most sensible choice would be the romantic version, but the comedy version seems promising too :). [Though the poem may not be that great]. What I think is interesting here is that one single para can change with you take from this poem and if its the last para of the poem then its more so.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

stuck, don't want to grow up

I some times feel that I am stuck at some age, probably as a teenager, enjoying every moment of life as its comes and not worrying about the consequence of things that I do. This may seem a little immature at times, it does to me too :). But then I just don't want waste time thinking of the responsibilities that I currently have and that I'll have in future, it actually freaks me out. So I avoid thinking of the responsibility. The sense of responsibility can be overwhelming at times. Now there should be a balancing agent that makes sure that what I do in my life with out the sense of responsibility will not be bad too, so I rely on my gut to decide what seems to be the most appropriate thing to do at that point in time without thinking too much into the future and not thinking about the responsibilities and stuff.

This approach seems to work most of the time, but the rest of the time, you can say I screwed up. But this makes me feel that I am free and the sense of freedom is one that you should never give up. Each moment that you send forcing yourself to do something because you think its expected of you, I think you are kill a part of you. An essential part that makes you feel alive, without which you start to feel that you are not in control of your life and you can't enjoy the smaller joys in life. And screwing up at times in necessary to appreciate the good work you do. Its relative :). And every screw up teaches me a lesson, it may be something that I had read or heard before, but there is difference between knowing and understanding. When I screw up and learn my lesson I am understanding and not just knowing.

The smaller joys in life play a very important part. You may win an Olympic medal or get a big promotion or get a very good hike but none of that, according to me, can beat the 1 hour u spend talking to a real close friend about something that is close to your hearts. Its just a wonderful experience to do things that you love, it may be a simple walk to your home from work, ride a horse, gaze upon the beautiful night sky, have cup of coffee or watch a movie with a friend, spend an evening with your family talking about your childhood, this list is almost endless. It could be anything that makes you feel not just good but great or even grand.

I was career oriented when I was at college and initial few years of my career as a software engineer. Those were the year I worked quite hard and was unhappy with myself because I wasn't who I wanted to be or who I thought I should be. But then I met this friend who showed me that the smaller joys in life are more important than achieving bigger things in life. I am not saying that having a goal and working towards it is a waste, no. I am just saying that you shouldn't get so involved into working towards the goals that you forget who you are and forget the smaller joys. New goals will keep coming, because we humans can never be satisfied and always want something more. But a wonderful moment once lost is lost forever. I suggest the everyone who reads this blog watches the movie "Click". Its a movie that show exactly this and it put in a way that is the best, i think.

The basic idea is simple, its just that I don't want to grow up or take the pressure or responsibility or waste time thinking about what I should have done but I want to enjoy every moment of my life to the maximum extent. So that on my death bed when I look back at my life, I can say "that's one life well wasted :)".

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Love, Life and Everything else ...

One of the questions that has always haunted me is "What is true love and does it really exist?". I have given it a lot of thought, like most of the people I know have. But I see decided write this blog anyway because I think I can try to relate my thoughts on meaning of life to love. Okay let me start telling you what I know. I think love is nothing great when you try to put in words. Its like a desire, but luckily its deeper. Love is something that will make you feel complete, something that fills in the small gaps between the large stones that you have put into your empty self. Its like the glue that binds the mind and the soul. I think it just doesn't end there, its something that connects all of us with rest of us or rest of the world or even the universe. Its something that makes u feel you are bigger than your physical self, you have so much space in you that you can accommodate a whole universe in you. I say this because when you see someone suffering you will at least for a moment thing of helping, and if you do then I think you have learned more about love. Each time you do something that is self less you have learned a little more about love. This seems to be the definition that I can come up with most of the time, though not the exact same words but the meaning remains same.

Then where does the love between couples come into picture here? The topic that interests most of us. I think I have a simple answer to that. To be able to realize the true extent of love you need to try it at a smaller scale. That's where love of couples comes in. You learn to love and adjust to a person who has not grown or brought up the way you have. You learn to accommodate him/her into your love and give without expecting anything back, because each time you give something for this person it makes you feel happy. All you want at the point is to see that person happy. Then I think you are one step closer to understand love.

Also, as I told "love is like desire but only deeper", one might ask how deep? This is where everything seems to connect at least by the way I see things. Love is something that your soul has to understand and its your soul that grows as it understands love, not just your mind. Of course the primary understanding is through the mind but then as your mind understands love it becomes closer to your soul and is able deliver data to the soul too. And feed the soul with its primary food :). Now if you believe in rebirth I think it makes more sense. The soul has moved from one body to another but it retains its understanding of love. And somehow it seems to manipulate the mind, based on how strong the urge to learn more about love is in the soul. Because I think the soul's urge gets stronger based on how our physical self has fed it in our previous lives. So as the soul is reborn again and again, slowly it drifts towards love and understands that more and more about it. But I am not sure what is it that it needs to understand finally :). Though I think that once the understanding is complete and the soul is reborn one last time to act according to the universally true love, then it attains what is called "Moksha" or "salvation".

All this may seems to make sense in a funny way to you. For me it seems like the only possible explanation I can think of.

~me: Hey what the hell was that. Its all bull shit.
me: This is my other self, I call him ~me.
~me: You must be freaking crazy to read all this crap this guy, me, says.